• Faith,  Grief,  Infertility,  Miscarriage

    Grief and Hope

    With our second baby’s should-have-been-due date coming up, I’ve been having more emotional meltdowns lately. Most of the time I can be positive and hopeful, but a lot of the time I still feel anger and bitterness. That’s how grieving has been for me. Even I have a hard time accepting the reality of these conflicting emotions, so it shouldn’t surprise me that many others don’t understand it either. It’s exhausting trying to open up on the hard days. While there are some great people in my life who know how to truly listen, there are just as many who do not. Some ask how I’m doing, but can’t handle…

  • Infertility,  Life Updates,  Miscarriage

    On Taking A Break

    It sucks. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been nice to not worry about tracking my cycle or symptom spotting. But more than anything, I want to be pregnant again. Or maybe it’s that I wish I was still pregnant. Because I know that if I were to see those two lines again now, I would be so happy. I might even be able to celebrate. But then there’s the waiting. Waiting for the blood work results. And the next blood work results… And if everything is good with that, then there’s more waiting. Waiting for the first ultrasound. Holding my breath while they take measurements and look for a heartbeat……

  • Infertility

    Infertility Is Not Your Fault

    In one of my last posts, I wrote about letting go of the guilt that surrounds infertility. This post is somewhat along the same lines. This week I had an ovarian cyst rupture. It was ridiculously painful, and my poor husband was terrified. It had been nine years since that had last happened, so I forgot how bad it could be. After I realized what was happening, I managed the pain as I’ve learned to do, and made an appointment to be sure everything was okay. By the time I went in for my ultrasound the next day, the pain had greatly subsided. The ultrasound tech confirmed what had happened…

  • Uncategorized

    4 Ways to Fight Infertility Jealousy

    Even before I was diagnosed with PCOS, I had a major problem with jealousy. I knew it would be difficult for me to get pregnant, and being a mom was the ultimate goal for me. So any time someone else would get pregnant easily and/or accidentally, I would completely lose my mind and spend days in a jealous rage. It wasn’t pretty. While I still have jealous thoughts from time to time, I have learned to identify it and move past it. The following post contains a few things that I’ve found to be helpful in dealing with jealousy. 1. Realize that there are more emotions hiding under the jealousy.…