• Faith,  Fertility Products and Resources,  Infertility,  Miscarriage,  Pregnancy

    Even Now

    Hey, everyone! Just a quick update to say I have added a new design to Bonfire. This one will be available for 2 weeks and will also arrive in time for Mother’s Day. Click here or on the pictures to check it out! Here’s why I created this shirt: When I was going through my first miscarriage, I found great comfort in the story of Lazarus. Facing the death of her brother, Martha’s faith shone through as she told Jesus, “But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.” (John 11:22 ESV). Even Now. Those words were what stood out to me. I prayed…

  • Faith,  Grief,  Infertility,  Miscarriage

    Grief and Hope

    With our second baby’s should-have-been-due date coming up, I’ve been having more emotional meltdowns lately. Most of the time I can be positive and hopeful, but a lot of the time I still feel anger and bitterness. That’s how grieving has been for me. Even I have a hard time accepting the reality of these conflicting emotions, so it shouldn’t surprise me that many others don’t understand it either. It’s exhausting trying to open up on the hard days. While there are some great people in my life who know how to truly listen, there are just as many who do not. Some ask how I’m doing, but can’t handle…

  • Life Updates,  Miscarriage,  Pregnancy

    Our Baby Had A Heartbeat

    This has been the hardest week of my life. And I know it’s not going to get easier anytime soon. We had so much hope. We never thought we’d experience a third loss in a row. On December 18th, we had our first ultrasound. I was so nervous, and we were in the waiting room for over an hour. When we were finally called back, the ultrasound technician was so happy and positive. She was with us during our last loss, and it was obvious how excited for us she was. As the ultrasound began, I held my breath…but quickly exhaled when I saw a big black spot–the gestational sac!…

  • Grief,  Miscarriage

    The Holidays After Miscarriage

    Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and the holiday season has been in full swing for a couple weeks now. Since my grandmother passed away nearly five years ago, this time of year has been hard. I still remember the last birthday we celebrated with her, just before she died. Traditions haven’t been the same since then, and the joy of the holidays have been tinged with a bit of sorrow. This year, though, I find that I’m having a much harder time than usual. There are a lot of family things going on right now that have put a damper on this holiday season. Everything seems to really be piling on, weighing…

  • Miscarriage,  Pregnancy

    Clarity About March

    If you’re a new reader, you might not know what happened in March. I’ve linked the posts below, but I’ll also be giving a brief rundown of the events. Posts About March 2017 Ovulation Two Week Wait BFP Is It A Chemical Pregnancy? What happened in March? March 30, 2017 was the first time I saw those two little lines. I did a cute little announcement to let my husband know that I was pregnant, and we celebrated! Unfortunately, our joy was short lived, because two days later I got several negative pregnancy tests. That was pretty devastating, but the events that followed were especially torturous. I made an appointment…

  • Life Updates,  Miscarriage,  Pregnancy

    I thought it was over…and now it is. (Second Pregnancy/Loss)

    This is the story of what happened during the September cycle. I first suspected that I ovulated around September 12th. My cervical fluid was fertile, then dried up–and once that happened, my boobs began to hurt. I had an appointment ten days later, and told my doctor what I was experiencing. I was still having signs of high progesterone, so she ordered a blood test to see if it could confirm ovulation. The test came back at 19.2, which was the confirmation I was hoping for! I took many pregnancy tests, and they were all negative. I started having some issues with sciatica, which I deal with chronically. I went…