Miscarriage

  • Fertility Products and Resources,  Infertility,  Miscarriage,  PCOS

    NIAW 2018 #flipthescript: At least…

    Unfortunately, this year pregnancy loss became part of our journey. For years, all I wanted was to see those two pink lines. When I finally did, it was a huge victory. I had some of those “at least” thoughts, too…I was relieved to know it was possible. But, please, listen when I say that there is NOTHING comforting or reassuring about losing every baby you conceive. Yes, our losses gave us some information, but they left us with even more questions, grief, and fear. There is no “at least”.

  • Fertility Products and Resources,  Infertility,  Miscarriage,  PCOS

    NIAW 2018 #flipthescript: You Can’t Have Kids

    It’s National Infertility Awareness Week, and this year’s theme is #flipthescript! So I’m going to be sharing a bit about some common misconceptions about infertility that I’ve encountered this past year. “…Since you can’t have kids” I don’t even remember the whole conversation that occurred when these words were said to me, but they echo in my mind. They were shocking, because I’ve never once believed that I couldn’t have kids. Now, I’m not naive to the fact that, for some, children never become a reality, but I guess I just never realized that so many people see infertility as something hopeless or definite. Infertility is challenging and extremely complicated,…

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  • Grief,  Miscarriage

    A Month of Un-Pregnant

    It seems like an eternity ago that our baby left my body. It’s been a month. A month of starting over. A month of numbness alternating with breathtaking heartache. I never knew how intense grief could be. How unexpectedly it could crash through at any moment. It’s been a month of emptiness. Of silence within me. I never knew how hollow I could feel, knowing that life was replaced with death, which was replaced with nothing. It’s been a month of learning to open up. Of learning to tell myself it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to let people see you cry. It’s okay to be vulnerable with the ones…

  • Infertility,  Life Updates,  Miscarriage

    On Taking A Break

    It sucks. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been nice to not worry about tracking my cycle or symptom spotting. But more than anything, I want to be pregnant again. Or maybe it’s that I wish I was still pregnant. Because I know that if I were to see those two lines again now, I would be so happy. I might even be able to celebrate. But then there’s the waiting. Waiting for the blood work results. And the next blood work results… And if everything is good with that, then there’s more waiting. Waiting for the first ultrasound. Holding my breath while they take measurements and look for a heartbeat……

  • Infertility,  Life Updates,  Miscarriage

    Moving Forward

    After years of not being able to ovulate, let alone get pregnant, 2017 was a year of solutions and answers (among other things). It was the year that I discovered the keys to balancing my hormones–Whole30 and Ovasitol. It was the year that we celebrated and lost three pregnancies. In a way, we had a lot of progress. Physically, I would feel better continuing to TTC right away. We’ve come so far–I don’t want to quit even for a few months. Emotionally, though, I know I couldn’t handle being pregnant again right now. 2017 was also the year I decided to go back to school. I got rid of my…

  • Infertility,  Miscarriage,  Pregnancy

    A Pregnancy Loss is NOT a “Heavy Period”

    I know that every pregnancy loss is different. Depending on a lot of different things, the physical process might very well just be like a heavy period. However, I think that doctors could and should do a better job of preparing women for all of the possible realities of what pregnancy loss can include. Aside from the physical experience being different from a heavy period, the emotional aspect is clearly different as well. A pregnancy loss is not just the passing of blood and tissue. It’s the loss of a life. It’s death and birth all in one moment. To call that a “heavy period”, to equate it with a…

  • Life Updates,  Miscarriage,  Pregnancy

    My D&C Part 4: After

    This is the final part of my D&C story. To read the previous parts, follow the links below: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Once home, we grabbed the mail. One of the items was a baby registry magazine from Target (don’t you love irony?) I tossed it onto the kitchen table, with the intentions of burning it later. I also had a package waiting on me–a beautiful picture frame to keep our ultrasound photos in. I opened it, and read the words “Planted on Earth to Bloom in Heaven”. That was the first time I cried, realizing that our baby was gone and I was empty. Then we both…

  • Life Updates,  Miscarriage,  Pregnancy

    My D&C Part 3: The Surgery

    This is Part 3 of my D&C story. You can read Part 1 here, and Part 2 here. Once the consent forms were signed, everything went by so quickly. I was moved into a different part of the hospital where they began to prepare me for the surgery. They put in an IV, and hooked me up to some monitors. I honestly don’t even know everything that they were doing. Several people came around asking me questions about allergies, my blood type, etc., and explaining the different things that were going to happen. Two different anesthesiologists gave me the rundown on what they would be doing. My husband was able…

  • Life Updates,  Miscarriage,  Pregnancy

    My D&C Part 2: In The ER

    This is Part 2 of my D&C story. To read Part 1, click here. The nurse tried three times to get a reading on my blood pressure. It was low. My husband had to relay most of the information to the nurses for me–I could only speak in the moments between cramps. I had my eyes closed most of the time…still keeping the cold washcloth over my forehead. I had no more nausea, but the dizziness was taking over. After a few minutes in triage, they moved me to a room. As I changed into a gown, I realized that I wasn’t wearing a bra. I laid in the bed,…

  • Life Updates,  Miscarriage,  Pregnancy

    My D&C Part 1: Before

    This is Part 1 of my D&C story. Parts 2-4 will be published in the following days. This week started out on a wild note, to put it mildly. Monday I had an appointment with my doctor. It was over two weeks since we’d found out our baby no longer had a heartbeat, and I still hadn’t really started the physical miscarriage process yet. I’d had some mild bleeding and cramps off and on for about a week, but nothing else. Actually, let’s back it up to a few days before my appointment. My doctor called me with my second blood work results. The day we learned of our baby’s…