Life After Loss
As someone who struggled to get and stay pregnant, you might think I'd be angry at the thought of someone terminating a pregnancy. But my experiences have only made me more compassionate to women who find themselves faced with a difficult choice.
A letter to myself. To the version of myself going through recurrent miscarriages: Let me just cut to the ending, because I know you can’t stand the suspense (if this were a movie, you’d be googling the plot by now): you have a son! He’s healthy, he’s alive… He’s here. Now that you know how this ends, let’s go back to where you are now. I see you, sitting on the floor of the porch. It’s nearly spring, but it’s cold. A mix of snow and rain coat every surface. You feel anything but cold, as hot tears fall. They won’t stop, and you don’t know if they ever will.…
This post was written when I was about 4 months postpartum. I have since been in therapy and consulted with doctors regarding the anxiety and resulting physical symptoms. I still wanted to share for anyone who has dealt with pregnancy-, postpartum-, and/or loss-related anxiety. You’re not crazy, even if you feel like you are most of the time. You’re not alone. Help is available. Don’t be afraid to talk to your doctor, partner, friend, or family member. I had my first anxiety attack a few days after finding out I was pregnant for the fifth time. I was sitting on the couch with my husband, listening to music, waiting to…