Infertility

  • Infertility,  Life Updates,  Miscarriage

    Moving Forward

    After years of not being able to ovulate, let alone get pregnant, 2017 was a year of solutions and answers (among other things). It was the year that I discovered the keys to balancing my hormones–Whole30 and Ovasitol. It was the year that we celebrated and lost three pregnancies. In a way, we had a lot of progress. Physically, I would feel better continuing to TTC right away. We’ve come so far–I don’t want to quit even for a few months. Emotionally, though, I know I couldn’t handle being pregnant again right now. 2017 was also the year I decided to go back to school. I got rid of my…

  • Infertility,  Miscarriage,  Pregnancy

    A Pregnancy Loss is NOT a “Heavy Period”

    I know that every pregnancy loss is different. Depending on a lot of different things, the physical process might very well just be like a heavy period. However, I think that doctors could and should do a better job of preparing women for all of the possible realities of what pregnancy loss can include. Aside from the physical experience being different from a heavy period, the emotional aspect is clearly different as well. A pregnancy loss is not just the passing of blood and tissue. It’s the loss of a life. It’s death and birth all in one moment. To call that a “heavy period”, to equate it with a…

  • Infertility,  PCOS

    I Can’t Trust My Body

    Ever since I realized that I spontaneously ovulated this month (on CD48!), I’ve been so stressed out. After much venting and a breakdown, I finally figured out why: I can’t trust my body. I have a very strong intuition, and I’ve learned to utilize and even rely on that throughout my life. And usually I’m right. But when it comes to my own body, and all of the fertility issues I’m facing, I find that my intuition has gone MIA. I am also a person who relies on facts. I do my research (not just google), and I’ve learned a lot about PCOS and all the particular ways it impacts…

  • Faith,  Infertility

    The Lies That Infertility Tells

    The other night was a hard one. It was one of those instances where something sets you off, and a storm of negativity and hopelessness follows. With infertility comes so many strong emotions–uncontrollable at times. I’m sure someone can relate to not only having these negative emotions and all the hopeless thoughts that they bring, but also to feeling guilty and helpless to stop the feelings. In the middle of my breakdown, many lies entered my thoughts–and I knew that they were lies. But even though I knew it, I had a hard time remembering the truth. You see, just identifying the thoughts as lies is not enough. Those lies…

  • Infertility

    Infertility Is Not Your Fault

    In one of my last posts, I wrote about letting go of the guilt that surrounds infertility. This post is somewhat along the same lines. This week I had an ovarian cyst rupture. It was ridiculously painful, and my poor husband was terrified. It had been nine years since that had last happened, so I forgot how bad it could be. After I realized what was happening, I managed the pain as I’ve learned to do, and made an appointment to be sure everything was okay. By the time I went in for my ultrasound the next day, the pain had greatly subsided. The ultrasound tech confirmed what had happened…

  • Grief,  Infertility

    Today I’m Sad

    I could have been six and a half weeks pregnant by now. It’s been over two weeks since my positive pregnancy test, and I still don’t know how to feel. I hate that I’ll never know if it was an early loss or a false positive. I hate that I’m so devastated, but I feel like I don’t have the right to grieve. I hate that I can’t talk to anyone about it. I don’t know why I can’t move on. Some days have been good. I am able to brush off the sadness, telling myself it was just unlucky… That it’s no big deal. Most days I avoid thinking…

  • Fertility Products and Resources,  Infertility,  PCOS

    Cycle Update: What Supplements I’m Using For PCOS

    First of all, I’d like to specify that I am not a doctor. The supplements that I’m using are ones that I have chosen after my own extensive research. I encourage everyone to do their own research. What works for me may not work for anyone else (and I’m still figuring out exactly what works for me). This is simply to share what I am (currently) doing to treat my PCOS. Well, it’s yet another long cycle. I’m currently on cycle day 65. I’m not too frustrated right now, because I have changed up my supplements this month, and it takes awhile for them to kick in. I was going…

  • Infertility,  Life Updates,  PCOS

    Now I Know: Getting Diagnosed With PCOS

    I’ve always had a feeling that motherhood wouldn’t come easily for me. Now I know. This summer I was officially diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). There were many symptoms that I’ve had since my teenage years (irregular cycles, ovarian cysts, horrendous mood swings), and many more that I’ve collected in the past few years (weight gain, acne, facial hair) that lead me to believe I could have PCOS. However, I never pursued getting a diagnosis. Partly, this is because I have a horrible attitude about doctors, but also my previous experiences with doctors were less than helpful. When I was 16, it was discovered that I had ovarian cysts.…