Faith

  • Faith,  Fertility Products and Resources,  Infertility,  Miscarriage,  Pregnancy

    Even Now

    Hey, everyone! Just a quick update to say I have added a new design to Bonfire. This one will be available for 2 weeks and will also arrive in time for Mother’s Day. Click here or on the pictures to check it out! Here’s why I created this shirt: When I was going through my first miscarriage, I found great comfort in the story of Lazarus. Facing the death of her brother, Martha’s faith shone through as she told Jesus, “But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.” (John 11:22 ESV). Even Now. Those words were what stood out to me. I prayed…

  • Faith,  Fertility Products and Resources,  Infertility,  Miscarriage,  Pregnancy

    Every Mother Honored

    I never really thought much about Mother’s Day until we started trying to conceive. It was always a big deal, especially having grown up in church. Sermons were given on the importance of motherhood. Women who were easily identified as mothers were asked to stand. On the way out, flowers and candy were distributed to the worthy. It always seemed like a sweet, simple way to honor the mothers who do much thankless work, and it is. But as I struggled to conceive and carry a baby to term, it became apparent that Mother’s Day is anything but simple. Bitterness, shame, grief, regret, anger, disappointment, annoyance…these are the emotions that…

  • Faith,  Grief,  Infertility,  Miscarriage,  Pregnancy

    Reckless Love

    Around the time that Carl and I got engaged, there was a song I was drawn to, called “All of Me” by Matt Hammitt. I know it was written from a father to a child, but the message of commitment and selfless love made me think of our relationship. The first time I had Carl listen to it was in his driveway on a starry, snow-covered night. It played from my phone and we danced to the words, “You’re gonna have all of me, cause you’re worth every falling tear, you’re worth facing any fear. You’re gonna know all my love, even if it’s not enough–enough to mend your broken…

  • Faith,  Grief,  Infertility,  Miscarriage

    Grief and Hope

    With our second baby’s should-have-been-due date coming up, I’ve been having more emotional meltdowns lately. Most of the time I can be positive and hopeful, but a lot of the time I still feel anger and bitterness. That’s how grieving has been for me. Even I have a hard time accepting the reality of these conflicting emotions, so it shouldn’t surprise me that many others don’t understand it either. It’s exhausting trying to open up on the hard days. While there are some great people in my life who know how to truly listen, there are just as many who do not. Some ask how I’m doing, but can’t handle…

  • Faith,  Infertility

    The Lies That Infertility Tells

    The other night was a hard one. It was one of those instances where something sets you off, and a storm of negativity and hopelessness follows. With infertility comes so many strong emotions–uncontrollable at times. I’m sure someone can relate to not only having these negative emotions and all the hopeless thoughts that they bring, but also to feeling guilty and helpless to stop the feelings. In the middle of my breakdown, many lies entered my thoughts–and I knew that they were lies. But even though I knew it, I had a hard time remembering the truth. You see, just identifying the thoughts as lies is not enough. Those lies…